Authors & Speakers

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Dr. Larry Lindquist

Wrong Script - By Dr. Larry Lindquist, Associate Professor of Leadership, Denver Seminary.

What happens when things bump into our lives that don't fit our plan or the "script" we had written? How do we react when detours happen and things break? How Joseph must have felt when his "script" was all messed up by a small glitch, "a pregnant fiance!"

 

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph (Joseph's script), but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit (definitely NOT his script). Because Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace (actually by Jewish law, she could have been killed and he was really saving her life), he had in mind (plan B) to "divorce her quietly" (Matt. 1:18-19).

 

Read more...

Holidays are tough for people in unhappy marriages when everyone else seems so happy. Depression is higher during the holidays than any other time of year. It's important to make plans and be proactive. Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed, lonely, and depressed. Doing these types of activities helps change your brain chemistry, which enables you to cope with life better.

  • Spend time with encouraging friends.
  • Plan a special event/activity that will nourish you.
  • Ask for extra prayer from your support group.
  • Spend extra time with God, in His Word, listening to praise music.
  • Make time to exercise, go walking with close friends, or better yet -- just you and God.
  • Volunteer in your community, or church, to take meals to people in need, serve meals at a shelter, etc.
  • Deliberately get outside your needs to see other's needs and how you can help them.

It can be quite difficult and very frustrating to live with a person going through a LateLife crisis/transition. Some days he or she may act like an adolescent, with outbursts of anger, deep depression, or withdrawal, while other times they are the picture of stability. They may not like who they are, they don’t know who they want to be, they are uncomfortable with their status and confused about where they are going and what they are doing to get there. Their values, and maybe even their morals, are quite confused.
Sailboat in storm
At LateLife people might change their external lifestyles such as clothes, car, and exercise routines. They also reassess work and career as burn-out may be happening with their current job, but they know they can’t afford to retire as they had hoped. Additionally they ask emotional and spiritual questions such as, "Who Am I?", "Can and old dog really learn new tricks?", "With whom should I spend my time?", "How does God fit into my life?", and "Has my life had enough meaning to leave a legacy?"

The person is now like a sailboat caught in a deep fog offshore, without a compass and without wind to move in any direction. The person wants help with their insecurity, doubt, and weakness, however they may reject any type of help from their mate. Their strange personality fluctuations may be frustrating to live with, but remember, it’s for a short season of life. Stay positive and focused on your own growth. Remember to give lots of positive, true affirmation, in whatever form your mate likes to receive it; verbally in private or in front of others, in a card, possibly a text, maybe over a nice dinner.

Change is inevitable, and ok. Go with the flow and accept change as a spontaneous new way of life.

 


by Jim Conway, Ph.D.  ©2012

It can be quite difficult and very frustrating to live with a person going through a LateLife crisis/transition. Some days he or she may act like an adolescent, with outbursts of anger, deep depression, or withdrawal, while other times they are the picture of stability. They may not like who they are, they don’t know who they want to be, they are uncomfortable with their status and confused about where they are going and what they are doing to get there. Their values, and maybe even their morals, are quite confused.

 

At LateLife people might change their external lifestyles such as clothes, car, and exercise routines. They also reassess work and career as burn-out may be happening with their current job, but they know they can’t afford to retire as they had hoped. Additionally they ask emotional and spiritual questions such as, "Who Am I?", "Can and old dog really learn new tricks?", "With whom should I spend my time?", "How does God fit into my life?", and "Has my life had enough meaning to leave a legacy?"

 

The person is now like a sailboat caught in a deep fog offshore, without a compass and without wind to move in any direction. The person wants help with their insecurity, doubt, and weakness, however they may reject any type of help from their mate. Their strange personality fluctuations may be frustrating to live with, but remember, it’s for a short season of life. Stay positive and focused on your own growth. Remember to give lots of positive, true affirmation, in whatever form your mate likes to receive it; verbally in private or in front of others, in a card, possibly a text, maybe over a nice dinner.

 

Change is inevitable, and ok. Go with the flow and accept change as a spontaneous new way of life.

 

The most honest answer is, "Until the transition is completed. Until all values can be sorted out and the person accepts that they are either entering their LateLife years, or that they have become a LateLife person, instead of a young adult."

 

Generally, a LateLife crisis takes three to five years. During the first year or so, tension and anxiety will gradually increase, as well as some lifestyle changes. The middle phase can be quite traumatic, including depression, running away, or a drastic job change.

 

After values are sorted and realigned, a gradual, but fluctuating, coming-down from anxiety occurs. There is a return, surprisingly, to life structures quite similar to the previous ones, only now more refined, focused, and effective.

 


by Jim Conway, Ph.D.  ©2012

  • Conway / LateLife Hope Articles ~ Reprint by permission only
  • Jim and Jan Conway are co-founders of LateLife Hope; they are international speakers and popular authors.
  • LateLife Hope Ministries ~www.LateLifeHope.com
  • Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Take hope, the LateLife crisis/transition is a normal, necessary stage in life and is generally short lived. If you can remember that, you’ll know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.


It’s normal to be alarmed or worried when your spouse begins to behave strangely and you might wonder if they will be this way the rest of their lives? Some people rush into divorce, thinking, "They aren’t the person that I married, and I’m not going to stay married like this." You’ll need to be careful with your actions, communication choices, and decisions during this time for your well-being just as much as theirs.

 

If the person entering LateLife (or in LateLife) makes wise decisions during their crisis period, life on the other side will be calm and lead to the most productive years of their lives. People who make rash, foolish career changes, get divorces, or run away have more complications to work out after their inner emotional struggle has settled down.

 

It’s important to have a lifeline of friends for accountability, and don’t be afraid of seeking professional counseling or to talk with your Pastor.

 

Although your spouse may be going down the path of wrong choices, you can take the path of good choices and find that your paths will come together again as they learn from their mistakes and grow as a person. Hold your head up, take the high road, and enjoy the ride.

 


 

by Jim Conway, Ph.D.  ©2012

 

  • Conway / LateLife Hope Articles ~ Reprint by permission only
  • Jim and Jan Conway are co-founders of LateLife Hope; they are international speakers and popular authors.
  • LateLife Hope Ministries ~www.LateLifeHope.com
  • Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


The human life cycle development causes continual change and new personalities start to awaken over time. A person in their twenties is very task-oriented, but as they cross forty they may become more person-oriented; and they start to think about the good old days, look up college friends, and want to recapture their youth. In their fifties and sixties, they tend to become more reflective, asking questions about the purpose of life, and really begin to see the importance of connecting with people on an emotional level. The years have made them more sensitive, even though they are still under career pressure and don’t have much free time.


When a spouse doesn’t understand the changes going on in their mate, and adjust accordingly, the mate concludes that they don’t meet their needs. Obviously, the reverse holds true as well! If a changing mate isn’t meeting their spouse’s needs, the spouse feels misunderstood and unloved.


People look at life differently at different ages. Teenagers and young adults are future-oriented, while midlifers are now- oriented, and LateLifers want to leave a legacy.


Young adults console themselves with imperfections of people and life in general by saying, "When I get older, life will be different." But as people move across each of the five-year time lines, an automatic sense of calculation takes place as they ask, "How am I doing? Am I content with what’s happening in my life?" Often, things don’t seem to be any better. By their late fifties, many people feel it’s time for a change.


As one spouse may be doing things exactly as they did during the first thirty years of their marriage, they may not realize that their mate is in a panic because they’re crossing one of those five-year markers. They are quietly taking a personal assessment of their life and it may not be what they planned it to be. In particular, their marital relationship is not as fulfilling as they imagined — and they wonder if they will ever understand the developing person they are becoming.


So you’re probably wondering what you can do about it? Here are a few suggestions for you. Plan a date to go out and talk about the dreams you each have as individuals, and as a couple. Take interest in their hobbies and show them extra attention and support, honest affirmation can really boost a mate’s self-esteem, and let them know you appreciate, respect, and love them. Join, or start, a home Bible study group with other couples your age; enjoy weekly fellowship together and you’ll all be there to support each other in the coming years. There are some great books you can get to encourage you both to continue to grow closer as a couple. I suggest, “Red Hot Monogamy — Making Your Marriage Sizzle” by Bill and Pam Farrel. One more thing; let your mate see you growing as a person; get out and take a class to learn something new, connect with friends yourself, enjoy some alone time just as much as spending time with your mate.


I would also challenge you both to read “The Finisher — A New Path For Your Second Half” by Jan Kinney-Conway. Jan shares how she and her late-husband, Doug, both quit their successful medical careers to start a new life in the Missionary Field, and in teaching others how to be Missionaries. Make a drastic change in life can sometimes refresh you both for another 40 years. I want to close with a quote for you to ponder”:


"The first half of my life I made a living.

The second half, I made a difference."

Doug Kinne, M.D. 1941 - 2000

 


 

by Jim Conway, Ph.D.  ©2012

 

  • Conway / LateLife Hope Articles ~ Reprint by permission only
  • Jim and Jan Conway are co-founders of LateLife Hope; they are international speakers and popular authors.
  • LateLife Hope Ministries ~www.LateLifeHope.com
  • Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


Frequently after Jan and I (Jim) have had our private time alone with God in the morning, we share with each other what God has said to us.  Last week, Jan read a devotion to me from a collection written by Denver Seminary professors and leaders.  We were both really touched, and I wanted to share this with you. We are praying that this will touch your life in those times when you think that God has made a mistake.


Wrong Script

Written by Dr. Larry Lindquist
Associate Professor of Leadership, Denver Seminary.

 

What happens when things bump into our lives that don't fit our plan or the "script" we had written? How do we react when detours happen and things break? How Joseph must have felt when his "script" was all messed up by a small glitch — a pregnant fiancé!

 

"This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph (Joseph's script), but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit (definitely NOT his script). Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace (actually by Jewish law, she could have been killed and — he was really saving her life), he had in mind (plan B) to divorce her quietly" (Matt. 1:18-19). Joseph must have asked himself, do I marry Mary or call off the wedding? Would it be better to tell her parents you got Mary pregnant or tell them she was mystically and supernaturally pregnant with God? Joseph was given a script he didn't write. When God gives us a script we didn't write, we quickly ask why!  Who's at fault? There's got to be someone who messed up?  Who can I blame for this?

 

Joseph did something at this point that would be good counsel for all of us who get a new script . . . he took a nap! He slept on it. It was in that time of rest and reflection that God came to Joseph in a dream and Joseph listened to Godly counsel (v. 20). Then God tells Joseph the reason for the new script (vs. 20-25). This is all happening to fulfill His plan, His purpose. No one is at fault. Mary didn't mess up. Joseph didn't make a mistake asking her to marry him.

 

Rather than seeking someone to blame, become quiet and seek God's perspective. God said to Joseph, "Peace, I'm still in control. Marry Mary. It is all part of My plan. My script." Quit asking why and trying to figure out who's to blame, and start asking what now? I’ve lost my wife, what now? I’ve got cancer, what now? In his book, "When Heaven is Silent", Max Lucado challenges us to turn our "why" into "what now". "Why me" is a useless question, for in the end it solves nothing. It afflicts us with tunnel vision, making it impossible to see anything but the 'unfairness' of our predicament. But, 'what now' allows us to step outside that tunnel and see ourselves, not as hapless victims, but as objects of divine attention!" In his book "How Long Oh Lord", D. A. Carson writes, "God is less interested in answering our questions than in other things: securing our allegiance, establishing our faith, nurturing a desire for holiness, or breaking our self importance."

 

We all know how this story ends. Joseph did not. I'll trust God, even when I don't see His hand. I trust His heart — Even when God hands me a new script.

 

Copyright, Denver Seminary  ©2011. 
"He Is Born! Christmas Devotions from Denver Seminary".

Everyone is unique and will react to LateLife anxieties differently. Some experience a drastic outward lifestyle change, while others find themselves in quiet withdrawal while they contemplate thoughts and feelings.

 

Early indications are:

  • personality changes such as depression, grumpiness, irritability, and feelings of insecurities.
  • lifestyle changes like expensive hobbies, health concerns, physical appearance, and they may even trade in the old family mini-van for a nice, bright red Porsche or a luxurious BMW!

If you notice these signs in someone else, you can support them:

  • with sincere affirmation (verbal, written in a card, by email).
  • by sharing interest in their hobbies.
  • using good listening skills with them.
  • with simple acts of thoughtfulness (a small “thinking of you” gift or by doing a chore for them).
  • by shopping together to buy a new shirt or blouse, or something to make them feel special.
  • by joining them on treasure hunts at garage sales or the Goodwill Store.
  • by encouraging healthy habits with exercise and a good diet.
  • by planning simple outings to places they enjoy going to, or have always wanted to go to (museums, movies, plays, parks, the beach, take a hike, a bike ride, learn how to use a “Segway”, golfing or tennis, volunteering at an elementary school or hospital, become a Boy Scout or Girl Scout leader and get involved with youth).
  • by planning a weekend get-away to enjoy their interests and hobbies in a new place.
  • by planning a vacation together, and giving them something to look forward to and partake in researching the details of the daily adventure.
  • with additional suggestion on the following list as well.

If you notice these signs in yourself, you may want to consider:

  • some of the fun ideas suggested in the list above, with a friend, or by yourself.
  • getting a physical and/or seeing a counselor (learn how vitamins or prescription meds may help you).
  • getting involved in a small group (of the same sex) Bible study
  • listening to your favorite music while cooking, gardening, or cleaning (whatever you enjoy)
  • walking daily, or finding some sort of exercise that you enjoy
  • trying something totally new and exciting, like hot air ballooning, camping, or taking a trip by train.
  • attending a good Bible teaching church regularly, and get involved, become part of the church family.
  • allowing yourself to have “alone time” to relax and unwind, just enjoy being a couch potato on a rainy day with good movies and your favorite popcorn or ice cream.
  • snuggling with your spouse on the couch for the day, or invite a good friend over and enjoy laughing together as you share your favorite comedies with them.
  • trying community recreation classes to learn more about photography, digital scrapbooking, cake decorating, computers, surfing the web and how to use it to increase your knowledge in your interests.
  • taking your hobbies to the next level by teaching others about them, become a coach, enter competitions through the local library or fair grounds, or selling creations on Ebay or a local holiday craft fair.

  • by Jim Conway, Ph.D.  ©2012

    • Conway / LateLife Hope Articles ~ Reprint by permission only
    • Jim and Jan Conway are co-founders of LateLife Hope; they are international speakers and popular authors.
    • LateLife Hope Ministries ~www.LateLifeHope.com
    • Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Amazon Gift Cards - Support LLH

Shop for Kindle and Support LLH

Shop Amazon and Support LLH